i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
