There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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