2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
