where am i from again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
