Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
