Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
