Buhtt sex?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
