he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
