i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
