he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
