The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize