I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
