I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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