i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize