I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina is officially offended.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
