guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
