the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
