im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
