Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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