She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
