Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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