God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
