i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
