it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
