so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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