Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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