I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
