How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
