That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
