if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
