She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
