yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
