she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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