winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
