i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
