New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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