Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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