be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
