I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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