It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
