we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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