We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
