Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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