did you get engaged???
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A+ Viking dick
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