i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
