I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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