i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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