I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
