the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
