Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
