dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize