toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
