she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
