Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
