I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
