woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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