So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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