Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
