I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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