why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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