The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
