I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
