Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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