She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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