Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
