you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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