I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
