apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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