Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
