sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
