so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
