I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
