He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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