How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
