Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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