You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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