Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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