If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
