i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
