I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
