Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
