Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
