Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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